Natala la la la ... ... ...

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

personal responsibility 

I've recently been thinking a lot about personal responsibility -- and trying to define for myself what it means to me, where I have control in my life and where i truly lack control or impact. This has been an interesting and at times intense exercise -- and the results of my analysis have shown that pretty much I'm responsible for it all. :) That's both the good news and the bad news. It's the good news because I'm pretty proud of a lot of my accomplishments to date -- I've worked for some amazing companies, done great work, built cool things. Personally, I'm extremely lucky to be so well-loved -- I have incredible friends and family and i'm surrounded by special, unique and not-so-unique people who bring joy, intellectual challenge and love into my life daily. I've also got a great home and enough material possessions to never want again. Although, shamelessly, I do.

These are the upsides. The downside is that i have to own my failures, my distractions, my bad decisions. And that's been where the thinking and analysis began. I think we all struggle with life, with achieving our goals. I'm at point lately where a lot of things that I had wanted to accomplish, I've done. Travel the world? Well, it's always going to be a work in progress (I still have to go to Africa and Antartica!!!) but i've traisped across chunks of it. Buy a home? Done that. Get my dream job? Yep. Be in love? Yes and awww. Then there all of the things I didn't plan for, that have caused me unneeded pain. Making bad choices at work or in relationships, not being focused and generally living my life on a chaotic edge of cyclical successes and failures. It's been like a roller coaster. Which has been exciting, but not always satisfying, and the down bits have caused the high's of the up-bits to feel extreme at times. These days I'm aiming for more balance, and that's brought me to thinking about personal responsibility. I think i've been scapegoating the fact that I own my destiny. That there may be no such thing as destiny --- and whether there is or isn't, doesn't matter. It's fundamentally up to me to make good choices, and correct the bad ones -- not just by taking ownership of their negativity, but by correcting them by changing course. This has been hard, because, well, a change in direction usually requires some sort of idea on where you want to go and be...

anyways, that's what's on my mind. right now. so i'm going to be responsible. That's my 2006 theme. It's a mid-year NYE resolution. I promise.

¤ posted by Natala : 7/27/2006 11:32:00 PM


Comments:
Hi 'Tala: this is a very good essay. You come close at the end to showing the difference between Choice and Destiny. We were talking about this last night at my Goddesses meeting. Choice and choices are the operating words. Destiny seems to lie at a higher level. i.e. you may choose to get a college degree but where it takes you may (or, may not depending on your further choices) be your destiny. love you. Mum
# posted by Blogger joyjoy : 9:26 AM, July 28, 2006
 
I'm an oddball, so feel free to ignore this, but I believe that destiny, luck, and faith are inversely correlated with happiness. They all involve waiting for something outside of you to make you happy. If you don't believe in any of that, then you can't just wait around; you have to act. You find happiness instead of waiting endlessly for it.

Mid-year NYE resolution? Neat! Live on your own calendar, not someone else's :-)
# posted by Blogger Amit : 12:01 AM, August 01, 2006
 
Now that's what I like to hear. Isn't it depressing to realize that your destiny is in fact YOUR destiny. It's so nice to think that we have no control over our lives and that we're just floating down a river without a paddle. I believe you have the power to make your life what you want it to be. Although we may not be able to change the river, we've got the paddles. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react...and if I must say so myself, you are reacting quite well at the moment.
# posted by Blogger Jazzytraveler : 5:00 AM, August 22, 2006
 
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